I would not say my whole family has shaped my identity, but I will say my mom played a huge role. She was who I grew up with as a child, and at a young age we were very close. As I started to grow up I started to realize that my mother was molding me into something she wanted me to be. I started to rebel against her, and I did it when ever possible. I would go out late at night, push curfew, lie, sometimes I even stole. I think I was ready to be who I wanted to be and to reach that I needed to completely change who I was to my mother before I was my own person. When I was around my mom or other family members I changed who I was, or at least I tried. I still have to hide from some of my family about being gay because they are religious and would reject me. Also I do not think that my family would accept a man who wears heels or leggings, it just is not normal.
My family expects me to graduate college, get a good job, and support them. I feel pressured to achieve good grades, and to be the best at everything. The pressure my family puts on me makes me want to lash out and not give a shit in school. I think that was part of the reason my grades were so bad in high school because my mom was always on my back about grades and homework. Now that I am here in college I am doing better in school because I have to force myself to do school work and my mother is not here to breathe down my back about it.
heyo
ReplyDeleteI love how honest you are here! Its interesting that you started to rebel when you wanted to be your own self. lol omg me too lolzerz. I like that you are here because of yourself and not because your family wants you too. But it worries me that their expectations of you make you want to do the opposite since they want you to do good things so then you would want you to do not good things, which is not what I want. Do you want to rebel against what I want? Keeton?
Nice questions, Bronte--way to get Keeton thinking!
ReplyDeleteHey Keeton. I, too, am interested in the origins of your rebellion. Sometimes we strive to contradict the expectations placed upon us...or in your case...become so overwhelmed by said expectations that we give up n' stop trying. Really interesting thoughts. Might want to explore your family in relation to the identity paper.....and the gay label.